The silence echoes,
screams,
deafening in it's emptiness.
Calling,
mocking,
destroying.
Hollow,
cruel,
desperate,
painful.
Tearing at the foundations of your mind,
dissolving your will,
breaking you down.
Hurting,
aching,
unbending.
You cannot weep for what might have been,
time is fluid,
yet linear,
so many possibilities
so many outcomes
somewhere he is there.
The curtains between the vast expanse begin to fall,
one reality merges with another.
This was not your intent,
but desperation is it's own master.
So many places you have seen,
so many roads have you travelled,
searching,
seeking,
wanting.
Waiting.
Until the day you find him again.
The touch is exquisite,
silk on skin,
electrifying, terrifying, exhilarating, heartbreaking.
The pain of distance, the agony of longing,
heart breaking every step further apart,
Tears falling, name calling, hurt.
The look, the one that says things a million words could not express,
the regret, the tenderness, no words need to be said.
Closeness, boundaries disappear as two become one.
The touch is exquisite,
silk on skin.
For Andy.
Another day passes,
another tear falls,
my heart breaks a little more.
Every breath I take reminds me that you are gone.
Every word I speak reminds me that I will no longer hear your voice.
Every time I hear laughter, it reminds me that I will never again see you smile.
No more will you catch me when I fall.
No more will you wipe away my tears.
No more will you hold me safe in your arms.
No more will you kiss my worries away.
All the snatched moments together,
all the kisses we shared,
all the secrets we confided
will forever remain in my memories.
Now that you are gone,
all that you were, are and should have been,
For Andy.
------------
Drowning in darkness you found me,
falling apart in fear,
tormented and torn to pieces,
heartbroken and scared.
Battered and broken you picked up the pieces
and put me back together again.
Your arms encircled me
and pulled me into the light.
You melted my frozen heart with the warmth of your smile.
Wiped the tears from my eyes with a gentle touch
and softly kissed my worries away.
You opened my eyes,
taught me how to live,
showed me to the world
and refused to let me hide.
You saved me.
Donna xxx
How do you say goodbye to the love of your life?
I don't think you can and I don't want to. I want to remember him.
Many of you here on DA/LJ know what I was like before Andy, so most of you know how he changed my life for the better.
He did the one thing no one else ever managed, he made me happy.
I met Andy just over 2 years ago at Loot 2005, after ending up at a party in his room, before running off with his booze. He wasn't pleased, but was suitably impressed I'd managed to steal it without him noticing. So, several drunken hours later, a Scot with a cheeky grin ruffled my hair and declared, "I like you!" Before running off. Think
~†~UNTIL THE END~†~
It had been a year since Bam had gotten his diagnosis and he knew he didn't have long left. He was too far down the transplant list and the likelihood of him getting a new liver in the next couple of months was highly unlikely.
~†~
Ville had been devastated when Bam had told him. He had dropped everything and put his career on hold, so they could spend what precious little time Bam had left, together. The past year had been amazing. They had gotten married, and done all the things Bam had always wanted to do. Sensing the end was near, not wanting to spend his final months stuck in bed at home, Bam wanted one more
~†~ A Moment's Peace ~†~
Jonne looked at the sun shimmering on the beautiful sea. Waves we're gently rocking the boat and lulling him to sleep.
"Wake up sleepy head," a voice said. Jonne opened his eyes and looked up at a pair of green eyes and smiled.
Ville bent down and kissed the younger man full on the lips. As he pulled away, he noticed Jonne was pouting.
"What's wrong my love?" He asked.
"Why aren't we kissing anymore?" Jonne sulked.
"That's it? That's the reason you're pouting?" Ville laughed and pulled Jonne into an embrace. "We have plenty of time Jonne, no one knows where we are. We won't be disturbed sweetheart".
~†
The silence echoes,
screams,
deafening in it's emptiness.
Calling,
mocking,
destroying.
Hollow,
cruel,
desperate,
painful.
Tearing at the foundations of your mind,
dissolving your will,
breaking you down.
Hurting,
aching,
unbending.
You cannot weep for what might have been,
time is fluid,
yet linear,
so many possibilities
so many outcomes
somewhere he is there.
The curtains between the vast expanse begin to fall,
one reality merges with another.
This was not your intent,
but desperation is it's own master.
So many places you have seen,
so many roads have you travelled,
searching,
seeking,
wanting.
Waiting.
Until the day you find him again.
The touch is exquisite,
silk on skin,
electrifying, terrifying, exhilarating, heartbreaking.
The pain of distance, the agony of longing,
heart breaking every step further apart,
Tears falling, name calling, hurt.
The look, the one that says things a million words could not express,
the regret, the tenderness, no words need to be said.
Closeness, boundaries disappear as two become one.
The touch is exquisite,
silk on skin.
For Andy.
Another day passes,
another tear falls,
my heart breaks a little more.
Every breath I take reminds me that you are gone.
Every word I speak reminds me that I will no longer hear your voice.
Every time I hear laughter, it reminds me that I will never again see you smile.
No more will you catch me when I fall.
No more will you wipe away my tears.
No more will you hold me safe in your arms.
No more will you kiss my worries away.
All the snatched moments together,
all the kisses we shared,
all the secrets we confided
will forever remain in my memories.
Now that you are gone,
all that you were, are and should have been,
For Andy.
------------
Drowning in darkness you found me,
falling apart in fear,
tormented and torn to pieces,
heartbroken and scared.
Battered and broken you picked up the pieces
and put me back together again.
Your arms encircled me
and pulled me into the light.
You melted my frozen heart with the warmth of your smile.
Wiped the tears from my eyes with a gentle touch
and softly kissed my worries away.
You opened my eyes,
taught me how to live,
showed me to the world
and refused to let me hide.
You saved me.
Donna xxx
How do you say goodbye to the love of your life?
I don't think you can and I don't want to. I want to remember him.
Many of you here on DA/LJ know what I was like before Andy, so most of you know how he changed my life for the better.
He did the one thing no one else ever managed, he made me happy.
I met Andy just over 2 years ago at Loot 2005, after ending up at a party in his room, before running off with his booze. He wasn't pleased, but was suitably impressed I'd managed to steal it without him noticing. So, several drunken hours later, a Scot with a cheeky grin ruffled my hair and declared, "I like you!" Before running off. Think
~†~UNTIL THE END~†~
It had been a year since Bam had gotten his diagnosis and he knew he didn't have long left. He was too far down the transplant list and the likelihood of him getting a new liver in the next couple of months was highly unlikely.
~†~
Ville had been devastated when Bam had told him. He had dropped everything and put his career on hold, so they could spend what precious little time Bam had left, together. The past year had been amazing. They had gotten married, and done all the things Bam had always wanted to do. Sensing the end was near, not wanting to spend his final months stuck in bed at home, Bam wanted one more
~†~ A Moment's Peace ~†~
Jonne looked at the sun shimmering on the beautiful sea. Waves we're gently rocking the boat and lulling him to sleep.
"Wake up sleepy head," a voice said. Jonne opened his eyes and looked up at a pair of green eyes and smiled.
Ville bent down and kissed the younger man full on the lips. As he pulled away, he noticed Jonne was pouting.
"What's wrong my love?" He asked.
"Why aren't we kissing anymore?" Jonne sulked.
"That's it? That's the reason you're pouting?" Ville laughed and pulled Jonne into an embrace. "We have plenty of time Jonne, no one knows where we are. We won't be disturbed sweetheart".
~†
Current Residence: Coventry Favourite genre of music: Metal, rock & punk Favourite photographer: Arachnid15 & Tracie76 Wallpaper of choice: Ville and Bam Favourite cartoon character: Salad Fingers Personal Quote: Life is not measured in the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away
Favourite Movies
Empire Records & Hedwig & the Angry Inch and Tim Burton Stuff
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
HIM, Greenday, Clash, Cure and loads of others
Favourite Books
King Lear
Favourite Writers
Too many to choose from, my room is like a library!
A just giving page has been set up in Andy's memory, where people can donate money to Lifeblood:the thrombosis charity. They research the causes and prevention of thrombosis. Andy suffered from deep vein thrombosis in 2005/2006 and this is thought to be a contributary cause of his death from a pulmonary embolus.
If you would like to donate, you can do so here http://www.justgiving.com/rememberingAndy
Donna x
I found out how Andy died today. He had massive pulmonary embolus which stopped blood getting to his lungs. This is the thing people get from a blood clot in the leg (DVT).
This breaks my heart and makes me mad too. When Andy told me he had DVT I was terrified for him. He told me to shut up, that he was fine and was about half way through his course of meds when we got together, so I didn't doubt him. He told me the doctors had given him his final set of meds and hadn't wanted to see him again. I told him he should book in for a follow up, but being stubborn he said he was fine and we all thought he was. I should have pushed him more t
I never realised how much you could miss someone. A huge part of me is missing now he's gone. I never loved anyone as much as I love Andy and I wish I could tell him one more time. Spending the weekend in manchester was so hard. All these people telling me it was nice to finally meet me, I never knew how much he talked about me to other people because he would sooner give me a hug or a kiss than talk about how he felt about me. It makes me sad to think that he was still upset that he hurt me when we broke up, especially as it hurt him too, it hurt us both. I'm glad we stayed friends and managed to stay really close, because was one of the mos